Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Great Dunkin Donuts Moments in History

So I took a little liberty with the phrase “in History”; that just sounded much grander than saying “in the past 38 years”. Well now that I think about that, 38 years is really a stretch because I can only remember substantial pieces from the last 35. Somewhere around 5 is when I start remembering moments in my life vividly. Five is also the age when I decided I was going to marry Chewbacca, apparently I didn’t mind that we were different species or that technically, he wasn’t real. So, let’s go with that then, “Dunkin Donuts Moments from the Past 35 Years”.

There, I feel better knowing we’re going into this with complete honesty today.

Now that we have cleared that up, you’re probably wondering to yourself, “What the hell is a Dunkin Donuts moment?” I’m glad you asked...I’ll tell you! A Dunkin Donuts moment is a moment when you’re just sitting there and something so oblivious, something that’s been a part of your life for many moons, suddenly smacks you in the face and you say, out loud typically if you’re me, “OHHHHHHHHHHHHH I get it now!”

Yes, the phrase “Dunkin Donuts Moment” was coined by my Mother and became a standard of our family jargon on a summer’s day in Houston when I was 21 years-old. We were in the car at Chimney Rock and Westhiemer sitting at a stoplight. I remember just sitting there starring at the Dunkin Donuts on the corner, which I had a tendency to frequent for their donut holes, scrumptiousness at its best! All of the sudden I yelled, “OHHHHHH I get it!” My Mother calmly looked at me and said, “What Becky?” “Dunkin Donuts…..get it? You’re dunking your donut!” My Mother, beautifully composed and reserved in her reaction said, “Well yes baby, what did you think it meant?” It was at that moment that I knew, I knew I was screwed. I replied timidly, “Uhm, Mr. Dunkin’s Donuts.”

That was it! It was game on from that moment on with me and my Mother! All those years of terrorizing her for “noticing” the flowers on Eldridge for the first time were about to bit me in the proverbial butt! We used to turn down Eldridge and she’d say, “Oh look at those flowers they just planted. They are gorgeous!” After about the eighth or ninth time she said that I said, “Mother, it’s the same damn flowers that have been there for weeks! It’s kind of like when you figured out that Andy Gibb was the Bee Gees brother. Duh!”

First of all, I feel this is the appropriate time to apologize to my Mother for my teenage mouth and the ruthless taunting that was held at her expense because of her Andy Gibb comment up to that moment in my history. Next I should explain that after I got over wanting to marry Chewbacca I moved on to the grand celebrity love of my life, Andy Gibb! Sighhhhh…… Yes, THE Andy Gibb...the same one that died of an overdose on March 10, 1989 (and no, I didn’t have to look that date up for this column...I sadly just know that off the top of my head). Yeah, Chewbacca and Andy Gibb where my first two crushes right out of the gate; you would think that would have been a monstrous tip-off for my parents that relationships with men weren’t going to be my strong suite.

Anyhow, I digress though. In our family it started with Andy Gibb, moved to Eldridge and became part of our family’s vernacular as an unspoken friendly jab of “duh”, with Dunkin Donuts.

I’d like to say that those moments stopped then and I became more aware of what was going on around me. Sadly no such luck. In my never ending quest to prove that an IQ is just a number, my Dunkin Donuts moments have continued on a somewhat regular basis. In fact, one occurred yesterday.

I was sitting at my desk, working away and listening to 70’s on 7 on my XM radio as I always do. Sitting there, singing along, I happened to look up, mid-song, and catch the real name of the Carole King song I was humming along to. I was floored to discover that the actual name of the song was “Jazzman” and not “Jasmine”. Considering I own the CD and have sung along to it for years thinking it strange that “Jasmine” would have a soul (as the lyrics explain), I probably shouldn’t have been so surprised. Alas, I exclaimed loudly, “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

As is standard for such an event, I immediately contacted my Mother and sister to inform them of my latest epiphany. And no, before you even ask it, I’m never smart enough to keep these moments to myself; I always incriminate myself. And how did my Mother reply you ask? “Hey Dunkin, how’s Andy?”

This is one of those consistencies of family that I actually find endearing. These are the connections and inner secrets that make any close relationship fun and special. These are the moments that make us laugh when we recall them and give us a bond with others because it proves that no matter what, they still love you and think you’re pretty fabulous. It’s a common humorous event we can all understand and appreciate.

So today, let me just leave you with:
• Women don’t get wooly, they get weary according to Three Dog Night
• Jimmy Buffet did not, in fact, step on a pop tart...it was a pop top in Margaritaville
• And the reason Morrissey sounds so much like the lead singer of the Smiths is because...well, he WAS the lead singer of the Smiths

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