Wait….What Are We Celebrating Again?

Ahhhhh, kids are back in school, it’s in the upper 90’s outside and I’m wearing flip-flops for the foreseeable future. Must mean that it’s September in Texas! Uhmmmm, wait, did I miss a month somewhere? Well, according to every retail store I’ve been in lately I must have.

See, I don’t “do” stores often. They are crowded, loud and I can actually hear the alarms in some places (it’s a dog-level, ear piercing hummm that just makes my skin tingle). And let’s just be honest here, shall we? I’m a retailers dream, for shiny things often distract me and I rarely leave a store with just the item or items that were on my list. For these reasons, and the fact that I have children, I tend to do the majority of my shopping online. I can be in and out of a store with just the items I want without distractions; I can shop at Midnight if that’s when I finally am able to find the time, and I can compare prices at multiple stores and find coupons before making any purchase commitment. See, the Internet is, in fact, a mother’s friend.

Stores are now even more of a threat to me as they recently have proven to throw off my sense of stability and sanity. Really!

So let me set the stage for here...I was in the grocery store, not my normal local “health” grocery store (that’d be Sprouts for you playing along at home, I truly heart me some Sprouts), but a true massive, chain, marketing driven grocery store. I was scooting down the aisle with my cart with Sarah and Ryan was right on my heals with her “tiny person” shopping cart. We were heading to the pet aisle, as I needed cat litter (and let me please emphasize the word “needed” cat littler here – cat litter is never something good to run out of when you live with a dog person who barely tolerates your “unnatural love of cats”...so I was really on a focused mission here). As we breezed by I caught a seven foot Frankenstein out of the corner of my eye. What the hell?

There was a slow pause in my pace as my brain began to process this information. It went something like this…..”Sarah was born in May, which was four months ago, right? Great Googgily Mooggily, did I miss her 4 month old shot appointment in September? Wait, didn’t Ryan just start school two weeks ago. Wasn’t that September?” Then I realized it really IS still September! For the love of carved pumpkins Charlie Brown, Halloween has come early this year!

Now I should explain something, Halloween is in fact, without a doubt or single hesitation, my favorite holiday, hands down. I have seven, yes seven, that isn’t a type-o, orange and black tubs filled to the rims with Halloween paraphernalia for my house. Heck, four of the said tubs house my Halloween Village collection alone! I love, love, love me some Halloween!

I have certain traditions that occur on the final Saturday of September each year. First, I purchase two Russell Stover marshmallow pumpkins, one for me and one for Ryan. This tradition started when I was but a babe and my Mother would purchase one for me each year. Yummy goodness as it’s sticky best my friends! Second, I put on “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and my daughter and I decorate the house and fill the evening windows of my house with visions of our light-up Halloween Village.

Since I am such a Halloween junkie, you might think that seeing Halloween appear in my local store 60-plus days prior to Halloween would some how warm my heart. Alas, it has had the opposite affect. Halloween is an October holiday, not a September holiday. How do you think it must make Labor Day feel to suddenly see Halloween appearing on its doorstep? What, Halloween got tired of Christmas taking over its spot so it decided to encroach on Labor Day? What’s next, Valentine’s Day beginning in November? Just think of the repercussions that could have on the psyches of turkeys everywhere!

Look, I’m all for being prepared and planning ahead, I’m completely OCD and am a Project Manager by profession; but in the name of all that is “Something Wicked This Way Comes”, enough with the over zealous holiday marketing! Halloween belongs in October; Christmas belongs in December and please just leave the little Leprechauns and St. Patrick’s Day in March!

If not for my sanity, then do it for the kids. I mean it’s bad enough we teach them oddities like the word quick is spelled “quick”, but then they have to see signs for a company called “Kwick Kar” all over town. At least reassure them that what we teach them about holidays holds true.

I mean really, how can my children believe anything I tell them if I can’t even keep which holiday happens in which month straight?